James’ Neighborhood

Q: I have met many new people at [the Exodus Freedom] Conference. Why do some people seem stuck between being "ex-gay" and fully embracing their created heterosexuality?

A: At the Conference you are bound to run into people from very different walks of life, and each are in a unique place on their journey--and no two journeys are identical.

The first point I want to make is that just because someone might not seem "hetero enough" to our perceptions, that doesn't mean they aren't experiencing healing, new freedom and new identity in Christ. Never forget that the goal is holiness, not an expression of interest in the opposite sex that meets with society's approval.

On the other hand, God still made us sexual beings, and as Christians we know that heterosexuailty isn't one of many options awaiting our choosing, but rather it is the very thing that God designed our sexual selves for. The mystery of passion between a man and woman--abused and shrunk throughout the ages by a broken world trying to operate outside of God's godship--encapsulates the best of what we may hope to experience in that way.

In light of that, I personally feel that God probably intends for at least most of us who struggle with same-sex desires to one day embrace what He really designed us for. So what holds so many people back?

I can only speak from personal experience in my journey and in the journeys of others that I have been included on. From that, here are some factors that I think play into it:

#1. The depth of defilement. I say this a lot and I will keep it up: we are so powerfully affected by the sexual experiences we indulge in. Whether it is with another person, an image on the computer, or a fantasy in our minds, we may find ourselves in a rut of desire dug out by choosing to succomb.

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (1 Cor. 6:18)

You may have engaged in all kinds of selfish acts that seemed natural at the time but ultimately trained you to be sexual in a way God never wanted for you. That doesn't change the fact that He made you sexual, or how Godly sexuality is supposed to play out in your life. It does make it harder to pursue it. This is a hard truth, but there is hope. Sin needs have no dominion over us, but we've got to be disciplined.

#2. Hang-ups about the opposite sex. It's true that a lot of what drove my same-sex desires stemmed from unmet needs for healthy same-sex love, yada yada. But that doesn't mean women had nothing to do with it. Eventually I had to confront the fact that I was scared of women and, in many ways, judged them unfairly.

But then God began to bring female friends and leaders into my life who exemplified the admirable qualities that are unique reflections of who He is--and I began to see how desirable women can be! Maybe not in a lustful way, but in a way I had not yet experienced; and it opened doors in me that I had thought were solid walls.

And it's not that none of the women I had known until then had been healthy and captivating in this way, but sometimes new relatinoships can help you get out of your old patterns of relating, reacting and believing.

You have to be willing to address that stuff, though. I know for a while I was complacent with just victory over physical temptations (that was easy compared to some of the deeper stuff)--but God's transforming me inside and out, the way I think, feel and behave. And when you start appreciating the opposite sex on a whole new level in your mind and heart--your body just might pick up on the idea.

#3. "Ex-gay" as an identity. I like the fact that Christians walking out this battle seem to be rejecting this term more and more, but still I see a lot of us finding safety and complacency in an "ex-gay" identity. I know what that's like and I did it myself.

For a while this "ex-gay" journey was where I got my purpose, my significance. I hate to say it, but that was too much of my motive for getting involved in ministry in the first place. That doesn't mean God couldn't use me then or now, He just had to do some work in the meantime.

Maybe it's because of the freedom and community we experience when we are around people who we perceive to be "like us"--when we believe no one else in the Church is. But that's part of the old way of thinking. The truth is, our struggles aren't that different from any other Christian's. You just have to be bold and relational and find that out for yourself. If you won't, well, it only makes sense that you would find yourself in an "ex-gay" rut.   

CLICK HERE TO PREVIEW AND PURCHASE NETWORK PSYCHOLOGY

CLICK HERE TO PREVIEW AND PURCHASE NETWORK PSYCHOLOGY

Artist: Metachemical
Title: Network Psychology
Remixers: Cereal Killaz, Discosynthetique
Genre: Breaks
Label: Scrape Recordings

Release info:

Metachemical drops his first release on Scrape with a techfunk electro floor stormer sure to keep feet moving and heads bobbing to the hypnotic beat and dirty basslines. The first re-rub of the tune, comes from Cereal Killaz. The CK remix brings the nasty tearout sound the act has become known for, with a surprise change up mid tune into a progressive monster, complete with sweeping pads and delayed piano, sure to catch the attention of the ladies as well as the gents on. Next up comes the Discosynthetique remix, which is a blend of the same funky floor storming as the original, with an 80's synthpop and almost 8bit feel added to give a unique twist to the full release.

Metachemical Short Bio:

Recording since 1999 under various aliases, Mike Stannard has recently solidified his style with his work as Metachemical. Not satisfied with one style, Metachemical’s club tracks have spanned breakbeat, electro and drum and bass. Known for fat bass lines, melodic hooks and big beats, Metachemical has come into his own over that past two years and is ready to break out onto dance floors with breakbeat poundersand electro tinged floor fillers.

Links:

http://myspace.com/metachemical
http://myspace.com/cerealkillaz666
http://myspace.com/discosynthetique
http://myspace.com/scraperecordings

CLICK HERE TO PREVIEW AND PURCHASE NETWORK PSYCHOLOGY

What others are saying:

(1)

Wavewhore (ELectrofly, BreaksFM, Audio Tactics, Broke)

- Good stuff all around! The release offers something for everybody - from the tech-funk of Metaphysical's original to the harder-edged Cereal Killaz remix and on to the Discosynthetique's melody-driven rendition which might be perfect for a sunrise set on the island of Ibiza.

(2)

Mike Henderson aka DJ Endo (DJ product Specialist - Native Instruments, )

- Network Psychology is a club monster! This one is going in constant rotation on my club playlists along with the Discosynthetique Remix for the late night crew. The Cereal Killaz Remix is a rave rocker and I can't wait to drop it on NYC this weekend!

(3)

Excerpts from Review from Nuskoolbreaks.co.uk:
Network Psychology

Now, i've loved this tune from the moment i heard it. bouncy techfunk that absolutely moves me. the kind of
tune that if i heard played in a club by someone else, i'd definitely be out on the dancefloor. ... i like the first break - it's very bouncy, and the guitar-esque lines create a good contrast for the bouncy
techfunk nature. im with this one wholeheartedly.

Network Psychology (Cereal Killaz Remix)

Crofton, Maryland's resident breakbeat something or other (and label head) cereal killaz does his thing on the
first mix on this package, and it's a little bit of what you'd expect, and a little bit not. while still producing fas
ass tearout, he's added a big dose of big room trancey prog into it, creating a remix that is sure to light up the
up for it uk club crowd (you like my use of the phrase "up for it"). now, that said - it's still on the fast side, but
for a sub-genre that, in my estimation, isnt seeing the dynamic releases that it's used to seeing, this is something that is a breath of fresh air.

(4)

Mikael Johnston of Mephisto Odyssey

- Original has some very nice electro style synth work ... and would go down well in an electro or tech house set. The stand out track for us is the Cereal Killaz remix. Cereal Killaz are doing some of the best tear-out breaks on the east coast and this track is no exception. This one would feel at home in any peak hour breaks set, or could make excellent film music for something like Miami Vice 2 (if they were to make it lol), or any other cool action / thriller sequence for film or TV. Love the use of the female vox in the break down before it slams back in. Great track dynamics, drama and intensity is the name of the game whenever you hear the Cereal Killaz. Keep it up!

(5)

Simply Jeff

All three tracks are great in their own way. The Original is a no nonsense mix. Straight to the point with catchy hooks and solid beats that will instantly get you moving. The Cereal Killaz mix is a tuff tear out mix complete with heavy analog bass riffs and nice synth layers that changes up in the mix quite beautifully. The Discosynthetique remix is a cool electro breaks track with great stutter edits that gives a nice glitchy groove. All in all a mix for everyone who love more than one style of breaks!

Also getting support from Myagi (West, Splank, Money Shot, Pure Phunk, FBSS, Howlin), Scarletti (Krispy Beatz Records), and many more

CLICK HERE TO PREVIEW AND PURCHASE NETWORK PSYCHOLOGY

Kansas City is called the, "City of Fountains."  The only place that has more fountains than us is Rome, Italy.  These are my favorite 2 fountains here.  J.C. Nichols fountain on the Plaza, and the fountain in the Rose Garden at Loose Park which is also on the Plaza.

Fountains, as we all know, have a little pump that recirculates the same water over and over.  It receives only from itself. Occasionally, this has a comic effect when someone -and if you ask me who, I'll stay mum- puts a box of detergent in the fountain and it froths out into the street. 

I never get the urge to drink from one of the fountains.  Not even aglae grows.  Oh, but don't they LOOK good?

JCNICHOLSFOUNTAIN01

Loose Park Fountain

This fountain on the left is really special, because that's where Jeremy and I said our vows when we got married.

Indian_creek

This is Indian Creek.  It flows along a great bike path not too far from me in Overland Park.  Even on a sunny day, the trees keep us shady.

Creeks give away all they've got every day.  They can afford to be so generous, because they are always taking in new, fresh water from a source other than themselves.  All come and drink. The fish, the plants, the trees, the bugs and birds.

I've decided it's time to allow myself a mentor.  And it's time to get back into real study of the Word.

Q: How do I respond to my son who says that I don't accept him because I don't condone his homosexual behavior?

A: This is probably the place where the relationship between the Bible-believing Christian and the practicing homosexual (whether also identifying as a Christian or not) will meet with the most tension. It is where our beliefs about sexuality and identity are in the most conflict.

For you, the parent, homosexuality is something your son struggles with and chooses to embrace. It's something he does. For him on the other hand, homosexuality is something he is--it's an identity. Some gay-identified people will contend that nobody really thinks that way, but if that were true this conflict wouldn't exist; nobody would say, "If you don't love my homosexuality, you don't love me." But in the years I've worked and been in contact with many families dealing with these issues, these words are spoken all the time.

The first hard part is accepting that there will be always be tension between you on this point, until one or the other changes their mind. That does not mean there will always be conflict or that their cannot be love--but the different beliefs will always create some unrest in the relationship.

The second hard part is accepting that where your son stands on the issue is not up to you. People who choose to walk out of homosexuality--to really walk out--do not do it because of their parents. We do it for Christ, because we know in our hearts that He is calling us out. Now, our parents' influence and prayers can be a factor in guiding us to that place, but ultimately it is the work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts and minds that makes the change. The same is true for how your son will look at this conflict in your beliefs for the time being.

So all that's up to you is what you are going to do for the relationship you have right now.

The first best thing you can do--and I said this in my recent Charisma article--is take care of yourself the right way. The state of this relationship wounds you, and those wounds need to be dressed and cared for. Your son can't, won't and shouldn't be expected to do that. Now's the time you need your Christian brothers and sisters--your peers--to come around you with love, prayers and support. Let them be your listening ears and your shoulders to cry on.

You might also want to seek trustworthy Christian counseling and/or a support group. Taking care of yourself will not only help you get healthy and strong again for your own sake--it will keep you from the common pitfall of throwing the weight of your pain onto the relationship with your child, furthering the intensity of the conflict.

Next, you want to map out how you are going to clearly communicate your position and feelings to your son. This is not to elicit a desired response from him because, again, that is out of your control. The goal is to simply express yourself in a way that is true to your heart. What he does with that is all up to him (and his reaction may change over time).

Some points I encourage parents to be sure they express are these:

•  The difference in how you view homosexuality--something he does, not something he is. He'll probably disagree on that point, but he needs to understand that's how you look at it.
  
•  The fact that there is more to him than being "gay," and so your conflict on this issue doesn't negate your strong, genuine and unconditional love for him.
• You'll respect his autonomy and, while you will share the truth in love, commit not to try to sway him with guilt or imposed responsibility for your feelings.
• You are still his parent and also have a right to respect and reasonable boundaries. You do not have to tolerate any assertion that your beliefs about sexuality equate to hatred or rejection of him as a person.

Believe it or not, there are parents who have restored relationship with their still-gay-identified adult children that goes beyond civility; they genuinely love and enjoy each other again. Granted, it wasn't an easy road getting there, but they got there.

And, there are kids who eventually walk out of it (yours truly, for instance).

In any case, your hope is in Christ. Let Him and His Family take care of you.

...your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
(Matthew 6:32, 33 NLT)

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.
(1st Peter 5:6, 7 NASB)

Well I've seen the next three movies on my wish-list for the season. Here are some thoughts. **SPOILER WARNING** I've waited a while on this so I'd be less likely to ruin these movies for anybody, but if you have yet to see them, don't read this yet!!!

The Happening - Grade: C-

The Happening

I had high hopes for M. Night Shyamalan's newest venture. The trailers made promises of a terrifying new thriller--his first R-rated feature, no less (other than a blood-spurting bullet wound, I never figured out why). What I got was an anti-climactic, awkward chase without a real chaser. Again thanks to the movie's hype (and Shyamalan's reputation) I was expecting something of a mystery--but the mystery of The Happening is revealed well ahead of time with a simple suggestion that is never really expounded upon.

There are no startling revelations in this movie--it doesn't even seem to try for one. There's no fear of the unknown, either, because you are pretty much told what's happening. We're expected, I guess, to be terrified by the sight of entranced people going deadpan and casually killing themselves. It's unnerving at first, sure, but later in the film some of the instances of this seem to take on a crude humor. It's just not scary.

There is probably only one scene in the film that is genuinely shocking and frightening, when two boys are brutally shot by paranoid rednecks barracaded in their home. Other than that, this was a fairly uncompelling ride.

The Incredible Hulk - Grade: B

Marvel's revisting of this classic superhero had loads more quality to it than the big-budget flop they offered a few years back; that much was obvious from the previews. The acting, style and even the effects of this Hulk surpass its predecessor quite a bit.

I kept trying to figure out, though, whether this was supposed to be a sequel to the other--or if it was a complete reimagining ala Batman Begins. The fact that it starts with Bruce Banner somehwere in Latin America (where he ended up in the last movie's epilogue), among other things, lead me to believe that it probably was.

Despite being better, though, this Hulk just didn't feel like its own movie. The mention of the names "Tony Stark" and "Nick Fury" during the opening credits--as well as a cameo by Robert Downey Jr. as Stark (aka Iron Man), coupled with a plot that's pretty shallow, made this feel more like an in-betweener. It's like Marvel has created a miniseries for us and this is just one of the episodes.

Still, there's pretty good action and, like I said, they finally did the green guy some justice.

 The Dark Knight - Grade: A+

Okay, is everybody talking about this movie, or what? I loved Batman Begins. I was so happy somebody was bold enough to revitalize the abused and camped-out Caped Crusader franchise. When news started to leak about this one, I was excited--but cautiously so. I didn't know what to think about Heath Ledger as the Joker.

I really liked 1989's Batman (it was Batman Forever and Batman & Robin that turned the franchise into a candy-coated joke). A big part of that was Jack Nicholson's portrayal of the iconic arch nemesis. Giddy and psychotic with a surprising poetic streak, he always struck me as one of Hollywood's most interesting villains.

The Dark Knight

Ledger, though, surpassed the hype of his role (which was considerable), and he surpassed Nicholson. True to the nature of this refurbished series, Ledger took the Joker and made him a darker, grittier and more engaging incarnation of something we thought we were familiar with. If Nicholson's joker was unnerving, Ledger's is truly terrifying--yet still coaxes a number of laughs from the audience without losing their respect. From the moment of his gasp-elliciting pencil trick, the Joker has you in a vice grip.

The cool thing is, though, that while Ledger deserves to steal the show in TDK--and in some ways does--the rest of the film keeps up with him. Bale's Batman is still awesome, and kept my rapt attention even when the Joker wasn't around. The supporting cast puts out another stellar performance, completing the film's all-around compelling quality.

The trade off of Maggie Gyllenhaal for Katie Holmes is only peripherally distracting--still would have preferred they not do that. Does Cruise have her locked up or something? Maybe she could use a real Batman.

There are a lot of levels and parallels to the elements in The Dark Knigh, from the faux Batmans in their hockey pads (unprepared and unqualified do-gooders) to the Joker's contradictory scar stories (the lack of identity leading to a purer evil) this movie didn't just blow me out of the water--it made me think.

Love it, love it, love it.

I was somewhat shocked to see the story about Victoria Osteen allegedly losing it and assaulting a flight attendant over a tiny spill:

Continental Airlines flight attendant Sharon Brown claims Victoria Osteen grabbed, elbowed and pushed her before the start of a 2005 flight... She said Osteen eventually grabbed Brown by the shoulders, elbowed her in the chest and pushed her out of the way in an attempt to get into the cockpit.

Maybe the fact that I hate to see Christianity sullied by such accusations makes me biased, but I have a hard time picturing the feel-good pastor's wife going all Street Fighter and trying to muscle her way into the cockpit. Granted, some of these extremely wealthy somewhat-removed-from-reality types can be surprisingly uptight and even mean, but I have no reason to believe that's the kind of lady she is.

Then there's this:

Brown wants an apology and punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of Victoria Osteen's net worth as part of her lawsuit.

Yeah... Not that the alleged behavior (if it happened as Brown says) is at all excusable, but aren't flight attendants somewhat familiar with rude and even hostile behavior by passengers? Isn't that what the $3K FAA fine was for? I guess the accused being an internationally-known faith figure ups the anty a little bit.

66 months for Osama Bin Laden's driver

GUANTANAMO BAY NAVY BASE, Cuba -- In a stunning rebuke, a six-member U.S. military jury Thursday ignored a Pentagon prosecutor's plea for a 30 years-plus term and ordered Osama bin Laden's driver to 66 months in prison.

With credit for time served given by the judge, that means Salim Hamdan, 40, of Yemen will be eligible to return home by January...

A the recent Exodus Freedom Conference, a general session was devoted to answering delegates' questions on an expert panel. There were, of course, far too many questions submitted for them to answer entirely, so Randy has asked me to help address some of them in the blogosphere. So here I go!

Q: Biblically it's written that when we commit sexual sin, we win against ourselves and God; would you please provide an explanation that would clarify what "sinning against ourselves" means.

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 1st Corinthians 6:18

A: I honestly believe that in this verse Paul was getting way ahead of his time in matters of understanding sexuality. One of the things I've learned in my journey is what a powerful force sexuality is spiritually, mentally and physically.

One fact that this statement is (I believe) touching on, is how our bodies are affected by sexual release. We're wired to remember what we associate with orgasm--whatever person, scenario and/or image captured our attention during that ecstatic moment. The more it's imprinted on our minds through repeated behaviors, the more powerful the attachment becomes.

I think God made us that way so that, in the context of marriage, sex would have a transcendent effect--it would bring the spiritual, emotional commitment between man and wife into the physical in a powerful way. Imagine the impact on the intimacy between a man and woman if they associated sexual pleasure only with each other!

But in a broken world the design can work against us. We stumble into physical maturity often poorly guided--certainly in a culture that's a sexual mine field. Through no fault of our own we can associate sexuality with things we were never meant to--that's why things like homosexuality, fetishes and so on exist. Then through our own choices (the no fault part disappears here) we build on those bad connections and foul up what God designed for marital intimacy, because we become more connected to the counterfeit release.

In this way, when you sin sexually, you are totally doing yourself a disservice and making your own wonderful design work against you. You are sinning against your own body.